Five things you never realised before becoming a mum


Being a Mum for the first time was an overwhelming experience. I thought I was ready – I’d read the books, I’d watched Super Nanny, I’d helped out with my niece and nephew I knew what to expect. How wrong I was. I’d say it took me a good 4 months to truly get a handle on being a Mum but even now, three kids down, I still have days where I think ‘What the hell am I doing?!!’. Here I have listed my top 5 (there are many, many more!) of things I never realised before becoming a Mum for the first time.

1: That at some point, usually in the first few months when life is generally quite confusing, you will either answer the door or go to the shops with one boob not secured in your nursing bra. And it will probably be leaking.


2: That you will become so tolerant to projectile vomit, projectile poo and snot. Only your own child’s though. Other peoples baby’s bodily functions are utterly horrifying.


3: That you will think nothing of scooping up your baby, flipping them over and giving their bum a good long sniff, even when in polite society.


4: That you will become quite so obsessive about sleep, and be capable of so much silent loathing, anger and resentment towards those mums with their perfect sleepers, or that well-meaning family member who regards your screaming, overtired baby who wont sleep for love nor money and remarks Oh, he looks tired to me. Really? REALLY???


5: That you were able to be so desperately sleep deprived that you start to hallucinate, have boobs that look like the London underground map and hurt like hell, be horrified by the state of your house and body, feel constantly guilty and emotional but not entirely sure why, but when you get that smile, meant just for you, even at 4am with bleeding nipples and sick in your hair, you become so overwhelmed with love that nothing else matters.

Love, leaks and achy bits,